Intercountry Asian Adoption: In the best interests of the child?  I found this picture of the menacing caucasian easter bunny standing over the crying Asian child quite disturbing. 

I've been reading more on the adoption lists.  There is one couple there who have hired a privte detective to search for their child's mother.  They are of the view that the trail will go cold if they leave it until their girls are old enough to try and find their birth parents themselves, so they will do it for them, now.   

Another lady put posters up around where the child was found with pictures of the child, letting the Mother know that the kid was OK and was going to the US.

I think if we adopt, I will do both of these things.  I want to get some input into trying to find the parents using a PI tho'.. I would not want the Mother to get into trouble for abandoning the infant as it is a crime in China,  she's already been through enough without punishment from the State.

And I've been reading the blogs again.  This time a different adoptee was angry about the poem that appears on the blog of future adoptive parents, about the birth mother's pain and the adoptive Mother's happiness.   I went and read it and I didn't find it so bad.  To me, the a-parents that are the most obnoxious are the ones that seem to act as if God dropped the baby out of the sky, special delivery, no return address.  At least this particular a-mom acknowledged the Natural Mother's existance and feelings.  That's a big step up from alot of the a-parents I read comments from. 

Maybe it's just that I'll never quite understand the rage some of the adoptee's feel towards a-parents.  I need to decide if I can handle this kind of rage from an adopted child of my own if we decide to go that way.

I've been looking around for Chinese language classes for both myself and kid's classes.  It seems that often interracial adoptee's want to go back to their home-country at some stage and if we adopt I would like our child to be able to do that will as little of a language barrier as possible.  On the other hand, I don't want to push a kid into a whole lot of stuff which may make them feel even more different than they already feel.  I'm considering also joining a Chinese Church so that Chinese lessons etc. don't feel so abnormal. 

And of course which Church has classes for kids to learn Chinese?  St Petes! 

Why are the interesting Doco's only shown overseas? This makes me grumpy.

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"Las Hijas" is a documentary about three young women who were adopted from Colombia as infants. Laura, Tanya and Kris were among the first generation of adoptees from that country. They were raised by families in the New York City / New Jersey area. First as children and then as adults, they seek to establish their sense of identity.

Many programs and films on adoption glorify the subject and only speak about its positive points. It is important to tell the whole story, the positive and the negative. "Las Hijas" was filmed over a four-year period in New York and Colombia. It is a documentary that touches upon all three angles of the adoption triangle: The adoptee, the adoptive family and the biological family. It also brings to light the struggles that are inherent with international adoptions.

It's so mind numbingly boring I can't stand it. I put off going every day, so I end up there late. part of me doesn't want to leave tho' because it really is an easy job to do. I think I will be OK with something more demanding, but I'm not 100% sure.

I've been immersing myself in the blogs of adults who were adopted trans-racially. It's really helping me to understand what to do, and not do, if we adopt. On the balance, I'm coming to the conlcusion that it is an okay thing. Not a great thing. A great thing would be for those children to never have been surrendered, or at least to have been sent to live with extended family. The next greatest thing would have been for them to at least have been adopted in China.

International adoption is a few down on the list on good things that can happen to a child. I guess my next point of enquiry is comparing adoption to the child staying in the orphanage. Some of the orphanages are actually quite good, and some of the kids are fostered out, which is really good. However, some of the orphanages are bad and some of the foster parents are only doing it for the money.

Are adoptive parents worth losing your culture and language for?

I don't know.

It isn't all ladybugs and red threads out there.  There are huge issues to be faced with adoption, and even larger once when that adoption is transcultural and transracial.

I'm asking myself if this is the right thing to do.  If this is right for the child.  At the end of the day what is right for the child is more important that me becoming a Mother.  Having actually listened to some of the talks at the TEAR conferences I know it is far preferable for children to stay in their own culture and if possible their own family group.  Orphans etc. to be taken care of by extended family members. 

But this isn't how it is in China. 

I'm reading a blog at the moment called "Twice the rice" by a Korean woman who was adopted by a caucasian family.  Painful stuff but good to read.